We humans do everything with our hands. Our hands gave us an evolutionary advantage (for better or worse); and it's only when they sustain an injury that we are reminded how helpless we feel without them. It's our basic instinct to hold on with them, to use them to put things in place. For riders, however, those two things are cardinal sins. We can't rely on them for balance or to pull the horse's head in a position that makes us look like we know what we're doing. Just look at the two pictures below. The same rider (me) on the same horse, before and after "instinct intervention," learning to use proper seat and position to ride the horse "back to front" as we say, instead of primarily relying on the hands. The mare's expression I think is a clear vote on which way of going she prefers. I repeat here what Andrew Murphy teaches: The only contact worth having is one you don't need.
Recently I've been working with a couple of horses who can be a little tense and spooky. And while each horse is different, and there are certainly those that find a bit more contact or a shoulder in very comforting when they get worried, these guys did not. It seemed that "C" stood for cemetery and was to be avoided at all cost. Any attempt to diffuse the situation with a little bend only made their desire to leave more fervent. With rhythm and relaxation firmly rooted at the bottom of the training scale, there is no grand riding without addressing the tension first.
One horse in particular taught me that giving with the hand while also giving an impulse with the inside leg (what Andrew Murphy calls the "pump", a more technical version of a kick) to reassure him at the slightest sign of tension, was the only way to go. This requires a pretty secure position so that when you move your inside leg to give the aid, you don't inadvertently create the opening for them to leap that way. It took some serious rewiring of my brain; and it had to happen quickly. But the reward was so instant and consistent that over just a few rides, we went from needing 30 minutes to make it around the ring on a long rein without spooking to needing only three, and then being able to work without fuss. It is completely against our instinct to let go with our hands (and for that matter with our brains as well), but the horse must feel like he could run away, it's about the way we let him know that he doesn't need to. I always tell them that if the mountain lion really did come, they'd surely be allowed to run, and they better take me with them.
And no, I don't advocate riding without contact at all, a horse reaching into the bit is the goal and gives the rider an extremely gratifying feeling. But it is never created by pulling, never primarily created with the hands. So take on that instinct. Instinct, Schminstinct!
