So I quit my job in Marketing and Communications. To dedicate myself fully, without the distraction of a career elsewhere, to the horse and its people. It's something that I had decided to do when I was 12. "Gut Ding will Weile haben", as we Germans say (a good thing needs time).
There I am, needing to make it happen. Trusting that this is the right time. That I have the skill, the talent, the dedication, and the good luck to make it as a pro in the horse world. One thing is for sure: this was not a fear based decision.
I learned to recognize those like a drug sniffing dog hunts down a hidden pack of cocaine. It was about five years ago when I was told I had cancer. And I had to make treatment decisions, none of which sounded like they were good options. I learned then that all that mattered was that I wasn't making my decisions out of fear. I had to trust my gut while still using my brain. All the while knowing that I could well be wrong, but at least doing what all those self help books out there are trying to tell you: Forge your own path. Follow your passion. You know that narrative. And you do read accounts quite often that a traumatic event in their lives such as a diagnosis of serious illness sends people on a new path that they would have otherwise missed. My take on this is that it is not so much being faced with a possibly limited amount of time to do what you want to do, but a way of learning to put fear in its place, to acknowledge it, to see it, and to somewhat defiantly claim your deep inner identity despite all the good reasons not to. It's an exercise in honesty with yourself, having to drop all the pretense, trimming the ego, if you will.
After my diagnosis, I was accepted into a Mind Body Medicine PhD program. I changed jobs a few times taking on leadership roles in non-profits, thinking that "doing good" would somehow quench that thirst for a feeling of belonging. Ultimately though I had to recognize that riding and sharing what I learn was more than just an extracurricular obsession. It is the core curriculum, it's my challenge to step up to greatness.
On that note, let's hope I'm right.